Inside my stomach is a portal to another dimension. It is a wormhole that can lead us to a whole new universe that is entirely dependent on a steady diet of greasy, calorie-rich, hypertension-inducing food and an endless supply of free soda from our company’s vending machine.
My friends always wonder why I am always hungry even though I eat a lot. Well guys, I have a universe to feed.
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I always get accused of being anorexic. I am so thin my grandmother tears up everytime she sees me. She thinks I don’t eat anything at all. Au contraire, grandma! I happen to have a voracious appetite.
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A facebook conversation with a friend about my appetite and the fact that I am still a hopeless underweight, made me believe in an alternate universe that is somehow connected by the portal in my stomach.
Somewhere in this alternate universe is a crazy, anorexic me who believes that looking like a walking skeletal system is the epitome of beauty. The only thing that keeps her alive is the me in this universe.
This should explain why I get hungry faster than normal people and why I never gain weight despite it. I basically eat for two people! I should order for two from now on.
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I find the wormhole and alternate universe theory more acceptable than the alternative: I probably have an army of worms in my stomach. Come to think of it, there’s probably a whole country of worms inside with their own government and corrupt wormy leaders. Ewwww!
That’s What I Thought! 