Of death and friendship

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“I wonder what’s gonna happen to me when i turn 30?”…

We will never know the answer because a week ago, he left us.  Too soon. Too soon.

His name is David Jhules, but to me he will always be Dibid Jools- my huggable friend. I met him in college and we’ve been friends since then. We’ve had our ups and downs, like a lot of friends do. Despite the distance, time, and the occassional disagreement over Chris Evan’s ass, we remained friends.

People who doesn’t know him would think he’s brash, insensitive and tactless. Well, he was tactless but he was also a big softy. He was caring, childish, funny, and sensitive. He’s a teddy  bear.

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I guess you never really know how much you love someone until they’re gone. You never know how much they’ve touched your life until that moment when you realize that they no longer there and you are left with a gaping hole in your heart.

I have been trying to wrap my mind around this. I’m trying to accept and understand  that you are truly gone. I just can’t. I am not ready to say goodbye.

Do you remember the last time we met? We were both broke yet you still traveled all the way from your hometown to see me and be with me until my ferry leaves. That day, you taught me what real friends are.

I envy you, my friend. I really envy you. You are now privy to life’s biggest mystery and you weren’t the one who was curious about it.

If you can only hear us talk about you, you would know that you have been successful. You left us something that made us smile and laugh. You left us something that lifted our spirits. You were an important part of us. You gave us your friendship. You trusted us. You will always be a happy memory for me. You broke my heart when you left but it’s okay. I will patch it up with the memories you left us.

I will miss you, my huggable friend. Only you will have that title, i promise.

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*I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Proofreading via mobile is a challenge for me.*

Goodbye, Ashlar!

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Today, I lost my baby. I only had him for 8 months and didn’t get a lot of time with him. Yet in the short time I did get to spend with him, I have loved him with all my heart.

Dogs are wonderful creatures. They teach us to care, to love, to have fun. They bring out the child in us. They bring out the parent in us.

It doesn’t matter how many times you reprimand a dog or how long you’ve been gone. They will still love you and patiently wait until you come back.

They don’t expect much and yet they give so much.

I remembered the first time I saw him. I felt so much happiness. I used to think that people who get so attached to their dogs and talks to them are quite silly. And I did all of that when I got him.

I felt so happy waking up in the morning and playing with him. I felt so happy when I see him enjoying his food or running after my dad’s chickens.

Someone once told me that you shouldn’t have a dog until you’re ready for a commitment. That dogs will bring so much love and happiness in your life and when they leave, you are left with a big empty whole in your heart.

I never thought I would feel this much pain. I felt like I lost someone so close to me. I will never see him again. He’s probably happily chasing chickens in heaven now.

Goodbye, baby Ashlar. I will never forget you. Thank you for the happiness you brought me. You have been a wonderful part of my life.

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*I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Proofreading via mobile is a challenge for me.*

To The Girl In A Yellow Dress,

It may be a lifetime before I see you again but to me, you will always be that girl in a yellow dress, happily singing “Pecha Pie” while walking home. I will always remember your sweet smile and gentle laughter.

I don’t remember much from our childhood but I will never forget you. I will always remember the fun we had, the childish quarrels and the childhood crushes. We were friends way before I understood what that word truly meant.

I know you’re gone to a better place. I wish I could have seen you one last time. I guess I will forever regret that. In the end, I wasn’t there for you.

I don’t think we talked again after our graduation. Did we see each other after that? I can barely remember.

There are a lot of things I wish to tell you. I was excited to see you again. I didn’t have a lot of friends even back then. I was never really good at keeping friends or reaching out or keeping in touch.

I wish I could talk to you again. There are moments when I would wake up in the middle of the night and think of you. You are one of the biggest regret in my life. Even when we haven’t seen each other for a decade, at the end of your journey, you still taught me something.

You know, after all these years, I still picture you as that girl in a yellow dress; laughing, singing, dreaming. What would I give to turn back time and see that girl again?

The last time I dreamt about you, you were angry at me. I guess you have every reason to. I mean, we were friends and I wasn’t there to see you for the last time. I am sorry.

I am sorry for not keeping in touch. I did not forget our friendship but I guess it didn’t matter because I never kept in touch. I am sorry if I wasn’t there. In the end, I was the friend who is always absent on your life.

My heart breaks whenever I think of you. I have been thinking since the day I found out you’re gone. I never realized how much I missed you.

I want to thank you for being my friend even though, now that I think about it, I don’t think I was worth it. You were a gentle soul, with simple dreams and happiness. I will forever treasure the memories I have with you.

It’s been years now since you left for the land beyond our reach. I have kept these feelings bottled up inside me, ignoring the pain and pretending it doesn’t hurt. For years I’ve been trying to express my thought and I don’t think I will be able to ever truly express how much I regret not seeing you for that last time.

I know you are in a better place now and I know are happy and free from pain. In a way, I am happy that I am able to preserve a wonderful memory of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t much of a friend. I’m sorry for everything. I miss you. It’s been a long time. Rest in Peace.

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*I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Proofreading via mobile is a challenge for me.*