I write this as I sit alone at the hospital waiting area not really knowing what to feel. I see people around me, going about their business or sleepily waiting as I am.
I’m thinking, are they as scared as I am? Are they here for someone? I wonder what they are thinking as they stare straight at the wall. I wonder if they realize that we are all comrades in this, silently waiting for whatever it is that we are waiting for.
I sit here trying to take my mind off the tests that I have to go through. Hoping that whatever it is that we are trying to rule out will be ruled out. I would welcome a diagnosis of “just your imagination” because that would sound so much better than being told that your life is going to change.
I don’t know if I should really be taking this seriously or not. If this is just one of those moments when your overactive imagination is leaping 10 steps ahead of you. I hope so. But I can’t help but think, what if it is not? What if it is something serious and I didn’t pay attention to it for a long time? Well, this is why I’m sitting here staring at all this people right?
I am optimistic about this mainly because of my doctor. He did explain to me that we are simply doing these tests to rule out other possible diseases and what I have is probably just hormone related. I am rooting for that one. The alternative is just unthinkable. I prefer to be told that I am just imagining this and this is nothing. I really hope it is nothing.
I am optimistic partly because I do not feel sick at all. Aside from the bruises that doesn’t even hurt and the weight loss that seemed to be normal for me, I feel great. I even plan to hike tomorrow. No dizziness. No fainting spells. I don’t feel pain in any part of my body. I feel good.
And if it is not. Well, I guess I’ll have to cross the bridge when I get there.
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*I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Proofreading via mobile is a challenge for me.*