My internal monologue is currently dominated by this thought: “To live and die or to live forever?”
A thousand lifetimes, that is how Arwen Undomiel describes immortality. What would you do if you have a thousand lifetimes to live? What would you do if you can live forever? What if, like Arwen, you are given the choice? Which would you choose?
Since time immemorial, people have been looking for ways to extend life, to stop ageing. We love stories about vampires because the idea of immortality is fascinating. To be able to live forever, stay young forever. Humans would do almost anything to cheat death or at least extend their expiration date.
What if I am given the choice?
This thought is weighing heavily in my mind. On the one side, I cannot help but think of the many things I can do if I didn’t have to die. I would be able to explore every nook and cranny of this planet and perhaps other planets when humanity finally reaches that milestone. I would have all the time to learn everything that I can of this world. I can learn all its languages, all its history, experience all its cultures. Imagine the implications of that. Imagine what I could learn in a thousand lifetimes.
On the other hand, I cannot help but think of how lonely it would be. When everyone you know and love is gone. I keep thinking of Lestat and Louis and how Louis described the loneliness and the pain of seeing everyone he loved growing old and dying while he remains unchanged and knowing the he will live forever. I keep thinking of how Lestat eventually tried to kill himself because of it. If there is one thing the Vampire Chronicles has taught me, it’s that immortality is not what it’s hyped up to be.
I guess I want to live forever, if all the people I love can also live forever. If I have to live a thousand lifetimes without them, then immortality would be useless. I guess I am fine with being on my own as long as I know that somewhere in the world; I have these people who care about me. Not even all the knowledge in the world can replace the people I love.
In the end, I would probably do as Luthien and Arwen did. I would choose a mortal life.
“What is the first thing you expect people to do when you meet them the first time?”
I have come to realize that people don’t understand me at all. When I say that I expect people to leave, I don’t mean that I expect them to leave me alone. I mean that I don’t expect anyone to stay in my life forever. And it is not just because there is no forever. People leave. They always do. They come into your life, they become part of it and then someday they will leave.
I have learned a long time ago that saying goodbye is not always a bad thing. I have learned that when people leave, it doesn’t mean that they hate you or will forget about you. Sometimes, they don’t want to leave. They just have to.
I have come to accept that we all have different paths to take. I believe that our paths crossed because we need each other even when we don’t realize it. There is something in you that I have to learn and there is something in me that I probably have to impart. There are lessons that we need to learn from each other so we can become better people.
There was a time in my life when I questioned why God would let me meet people who would become really important for me then take them away from me. Then I realized that He takes them away from me because I have learned what I can from them and now I must learn from someone else. Much like how the Pevensies had to discover Narnia.
The thing about life is that, it doesn’t matter if you like someone or not. You learn from them. Your experiences with them become a part of you and affects whatever happens to you in the future. The way you see life, the way you react to situations and the way you like or hate something, it is influenced by people who became a part of your life.
I have read somewhere that man’s greatest fear is that, someday we will be gone and we will be forgotten. I think that is why we do what we do. We create memories with people so that if we ever have to leave, they will not forget us.
I am always ready to say goodbye. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt me but it doesn’t mean that I am going to stop them from leaving. I believe that people have to walk their paths and go on their journeys with whomever they want to go with or have to go with.
I am not a good person. I can be very difficult to like because I can be very tactless and I can only assume I do not look very friendly to people. I can only hope that I have lived my life in a way that when they remember the memories we had, they would look back with a smile. I can only hope that they learned something from me the same way I have learned from them.
And this may be out of the topic but re-reading the first statement made me realize that this is probably why I am not in a relationship. Oh well, the things you learn about yourself.
I am writing this as I sit at the almost crowded airport waiting lounge. I am waiting for a flight that should have flown almost half an hour ago and is not expected to fly until three hours from now. This is supposedly the first day of an epic adventure but its started with an epic fail.
As I sit here and look at the people around me, I can’t help but think how this is so much like life in general. No matter how much you plan and how much you prepare, there will be glitches and bumps along the way. You can sit back and accept it or you can choose to throw a tantrum and scream your heart out.
But let’s face it. You can scream all you want but if that plane is not ready to take off, what can you do? Sometimes you just have to accept that some things are really beyond your control. Sometimes you have to accept that some things are not meant to take off yet. It’s just not the right time yet.
That plane will fly when it’s ready. Just sit back and make the best out of it. Or get your money back.
Posted via Mobile.
*I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Proofreading via mobile is a challenge for me.*