Double Standards

We hear all these stories of men being wolves in sheeps clothing; of men being monsters and assholes and all that yet we seldom hear stories of how women can be equally horrible. We live in a society filled with double standards, that is the truth. We live in a world where respecting each other just seemed so hard and so impossible. We all have to be better than the next person. That person has to be worst than us. Blah, blah, blah.

One particular double standard our society has that I find really cringing is in terms of abusive relationships. I came across this infographic about the ten signs of an abusive partner and I find it quite ridiculous that it is, probably unconsciously, biased against men.

I do not condone domestic violence or abusive partners. I am not saying that it is not happening. Some men ARE monsters, that is also true. What I am saying is that, it is not just the men who are capable of domestic violence. It is not just men who are abusive in relationships. Women can also be very abusive.

Sadly, we live in a society where we have this perception that only women can be abused and only men are abusive. We live in a society where we still believe that women are fragile creatures, not capable of tormenting or hurting anyone. We live in a world where a man cannot be abused or raped because that is just impossible. We live in a society that unconsciously condones abuse. We live in a society that is determined to have gender equality but unconsciously just switched one bias to another.

Truth is, those ten signs of an abusive partner? It applies to all of us.

I am a woman and I do hate abusive men. I admit, I am guilty of having this stereotype in my head. When I see a man hits a woman, I instantly think of him as a monster. When I see a woman hit a man, I just laugh. But you see, my (journalism school) training always kicks in. I always wanted to know the story behind everything and I want to see both sides of the story. Though I am inclined to listen to her story, I also want to know his story.

Think about it. When you see a woman slap a man, it doesn’t matter how many times or why she did that, your first reaction is to cheer her for being so brave in standing up for herself. If the man retaliates and slaps her even just once, we will rise up with murderous intent. But this got me asking. If a woman has the right to defend herself when she’s being hurt, why is it wrong for men to defend themselves?

I know, this is very complex. It is not black and white, yes and no kind of thing. What I am trying to say here is that, we should probably not applaude anyone hurting anyone.

I’ve met women who are crazier and more manipulative than men. I have met women who embodies those ten signs and yet nobody calls them out. Sometimes I feel that society is encouraging us women to be so. Sadly, and I hope this is just me, in our attempts to empower women, we ended up abusing men. We just simply switched the scenarios. The real message was lost in translation.

Look at this closely:

image
Rappler: Young, inlove and abused in Indonesia. May 22, 2015 issue.

Physical abuse. Well, I guess it is easy to think this just applies to men. Afterall, men are supposedly stronger and more physical than women. I guess, although as women we don’t want to be seen as fragile creatures, we are not above accepting that description as well if it means justifying our actions. I guess this makes us more dangerous doesn’t it?

Men with volatile tempers are called abusive, women are just PMS-ing. Hyper-jealous and possesive women are simply clingy. Screaming at your boyfriend in public is normal, but boyfriend screaming at you in public is emotional abuse. Don’t get me started with digital stalking. And what’s with snooping into someone else’s phone or computer to read emails and texts? I personally know a lot of women who does this. And you know that thing you do when you go whever your boyfriend goes and if you can’t go, he shouldn’t as well? Why is that normal when women do it but why is it only abusive when men does? Everyone should be able to go wherever they want.

I am not trying to demonize women, I am simply attempting to highlight the fact that we are still living in a double standard society. The only difference now is that, women are now the dominant gender.

I believe in gender equality. For me, the current trend that we have is the farthest thing from it. I believe gender equality is about respect. Mutual respect from both sides. It is about empowering both genders. It is not about giving women the right to abuse men.

I also believe that abuse, in any form, is not to be tolerated. We have to help women in abusive relationships but also have to acknowledge that men are not the only abusers in a relationship. We should stop this whole stereotype and educate people that anyone is susceptible to abuse. I believe that the most effective way to stop domestic violence or abusive relationships is to accept the fact that those ten signs are not restricted to one gender only.

Again, respect is at the core of this. We should start respecting each other and start accepting that everyone of us have the same rights as the person next to us. We should start facing and changing the things we kept a blind eye to. Men and women should support each other. Nobody deserves to be abused. It’s time to stop the double standards. It’s time to hear both sides of the story. It’s time to change our perspectives.

Posted via Mobile.

*I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors. Proofreading via mobile is a challenge for me.*

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